...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
