It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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