Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
