Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
