I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
