I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
