Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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