my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
