And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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