So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
