It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
