i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
