even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
