turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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