Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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