I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
