How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
