What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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