I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
