Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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