Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
