dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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