My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
