The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
