WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
