I love black thongs
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize