I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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