who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
