So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
