I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
