And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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