I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Randomize
