I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
