please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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