I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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