you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize