you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
