That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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