I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
