Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
