I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
