If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
