I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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