i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
