so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize