I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
