2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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