how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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