plz talk dirty to me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
