i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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