Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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