I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
