wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
