How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
