She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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