it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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