My liver just broke up with me...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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