If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize