she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
