Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
