How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
