I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
