I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
