Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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