to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
