i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize