his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
