Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
