I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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