This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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