Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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