he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
