i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
